古崇賢的学报

Apologies in advance for my overtired and nearly-addled brain's lack of flow and coherence.

My mood, as benhill observed, has improved since i started working. Structure to life is good.

I worked my first weekend, which was a gentle way to end up on the phones. M, D, and i make up the current Black Team Group II. Both M and D have been great about helping me with things. M works much harder than D, and i've been trying to learn from him, though there's much i may not do until my level 2 clearance comes through, which is some months off.

Monday and Tuesday i plan to, in no particular order: help muzikmaker21 complete his move, get a haircut, see The Simpsons Movie, do 2 loads of laundry, and work 6 hours.

I learned today that IBM's time reporting tool requires me to enter hours in excess of 40 as overtime. I learned this because this is the first week in which i'll work more than 40 - looks like 54.

The cats, and the dog, were all very happy to see me today, and the rabbit did not run away when i gave him more kibble and hay.

Oh, and any of you have why the Spanish-speaking customers are always so much happier, or at least expressive of their happiness, with their dealings with me than the Anglophones and Francophones are?

Wednesday, i went up to the nookery mid-afternoon, via White's Ferry, cause it was a nice day, chatted mith Marc some, and then nosebeepbear and i went to see Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead at the AFI Silver in Silver Spring, MD. We got to go for free thanks to someone at my church giving me some member passes valid through the end of June. It was great fun seeing it, especially since i'd not seen the ending before, oddly.

Paused to get her a salad and me some fries at Wendy's, then back to The Nookery. Chatted with Marc until i passed out on the couch. Awoke there mid-day, and Marc made some lovely cous-cous, then we hit Giant and Magruder's, then i, for the first time ever, took White's Ferry from MD to VA. At 14:00, it's empty. First time i saw a bike on the ferry, too.

Headed to Hamilton to help bhanfhlaith with her move to Atlanta. Packed up part of the kitchen, and helped empty the storage unit into the 24-foot truck. Went home, took a bath, and have been chilling. Tomorrow, i have evening plans, and hope to chill through the day, and take the dog for a long, leisurely walk.

In other news, my friend Tom's house was burnt down - total loss according to the fire dept - last night. He's in NC, the house in TN. He's dealing with insurance stuff, and plans to walk away.

For the first time in many years, Father's Day is big-time on my radar this year. I think i need must take a trip out to the graveyard this month. After 21 years, the loss is still there, and tugging a bit harder than it has in some time. Probably a side effect of being less busy than usual for the time of year.

Tomorrow, i'm going to go help my friend L's mother get her house in order for her convalescence, as she gets here other knee replaced on Tuesday. It'll be nice to see Ms. Brown, even with her being a bit loopy on pain meds. Happily, as i'm not her child, i get my suggestions listened to a bit more, which makes helping her not quite as difficult.

(Uber bonus points to anyone who can identify the subject of this post.)

Today's mail brought a postcard from melted_snowball. I wonder if the delay was on the Israeli Postal Authority or the USPS. *shrug*

Reading it made me realise how very long it's been since i've corresponded with anyone via post whatsoever. My friends in Europe and i switched to email years ago, after 15 years of letter-writing in 2 of those cases.

I have more images of the queen of England and the King of Spain than i ever imagined i would. The British stamps are kinda neat. Sonia, a friend in Spain, and i at one point sent each other letters with matching stamps, if one set denominated in US cents and the other in pesetas. Correos de España and the USPS in the 80s issued identical 4-set of light blue stamps with lace printed on them. They were quite lovely.

The queen of England stamps came courtesy of my friend Claire. She's the daughter of my friend's mother's friend. I contacted her in middle school as part of a research project i was doing. Her sister and a friend of hers stayed in my apartment in Boston one weekend while my partner at the time and i were in Maine, a bit to the confusion of our neighbours.

We lived in a triple-decker similar to the one at the top of that page in the link, and we all shared a washing machine and clotheslines in the basement. We forgot to tell the people upstairs and downstairs that friends would be there while we were out of town. We told the visitors they could use the laundry, so the neighbours came down to find bras and panties and other girl clothes - everyone in the building was male at that point. Heh. We explained when we got back. That was a great place to live in. I still miss that apartment and that building, if not the city.

I met Sonia at a bar in Madrid in 1984; drinking laws in Spain are rather not at all like those in most of North Ameriaca. I last saw Sonia in New York City in 1993. My mom and i were up there for pride week, and Sonia happened to be in town with a friend. We all had lunch together, though Mom was not able to participate in the conversation much, as we mostly spoke in Spanish. I've yet to meet Claire, though i know where she lives and where sho works, so i am able to do so when i get to England.

All these years later, i clearly remember both their addresses of 20 years ago, including the oddity that Sonia's town in Spain had the same postcode as Manassas, VA at the time - 22110. One of my letters to her got returned once because of that. I learned to write SPAIN very prominently on the envelopes because of that.

For those of you who didn't already know, in Native American circles, i am known as Flyingrat Farseeker. My totem is a flying rat, no not a bat nor a fledermaus, but a flying rat. There used to be a kitten in my Hunting Grounds, but now she is here with me, the one known as Feldspar.

( In the town where i was born, lived a man who... )
We all live in a yellow submarine,
Yellow submarine, yellow submarine.

182, 273, 282, 455, 281, 353, 586 & 1066: those were the numbers of my yellow submarines. I never, in 13 years of K-12 school, had to walk to school. I was always bused. My HS class chose Yellow Submarine as our class song, as most of us spent at least an hour riding to school.

Virgnia "Ginny" Mondgrain drove me to school for most of those 13 years. Her grandson Jimmy would be with us sometimes in the afternoons coming home from HS. ( Invariably... )

So we got back on the bus at 11:30. I got home that night at 19:00. So 7ish hours getting home that day. If i recall, neary half of all students in Fairfax County and Fairfax City did not get home that night. And Bob Spillane learned that here in DC, we do not do Winter like up in Boston.

y otra vez, como la última vez, no sé lo que pasará de mis dedos, excepto que no será poesía. Y así cierro los ojos, y comienzo de mecanografiar...

¡Ay! There is so much floating around in my brain tonight, and mostly not in English. I've retreated into Spanish since i was a child when i feel stressed, though i'm fluent, so use it when appropriate when not stressed, too. So, where to start...

I've had a rough many weeks, despite the fun and joyous things i've been doing, and many of you have seen me at and/or done with me. Hm. Brain not too focused at the moment, in part due to being a bit overtired.

For those of you who have an opinion, how distractible am i in general? If you have the background, how has that changed over time?

With an increasing frequency, i feel that i'm net well-focused mentally, even without anything to distract me. This is something that i've had pointed out to me recently, and looking back, it seems to've been the case for the last five years, at least notably, looking back.


I think that's all for now. So, no poetry, but a poll in essay format, with little-to-no context. I do look forward to your responses.

Side notes: i'm a bit worried about CRK, but more about that at another time. Sorry for lack of cut, it's a skosh long, but i'm feeling a bit needy at the moment.

I've had a chronic sinus/upper resp thing for some months now. It's flared up again this past week, as has a bizarre rash in my right armpit which also appeared last month at full moon. :| I've an appointment with an LPN on Wednesday for a blood draw, and will discuss both these with her then.

Saturday, i slept almost all day, which health-wise was a very good thing, but sadly therefore missed helping a friend pack and get things into storage, and missed gaming at badmagic's place. :( Saturday evening, at 18:30, i did put in an appearence, with 6 lovely wines, at a church dinner that i'd forgotten i'd signed up for until i got a phone call about it. That evening, i briefly stopped by the nookery and visited with the Nookizens, dmk and her hubby who were visiting from North Carolina. I went to bed early.

Today, i got to church on time, which was good, as today we had an ethnic Bengali Muslim from India visit our class, and who spoke to us about Islam from her experiences. She's also a school teacher whom some of the kids have had, which made for a pleasantly relaxed time. After that, i had a lovely time visting chez mergyeugnau, where i became re-acquainted with ruth_wielgosz, a very wonderful person whom i am thrilled to have run into again. I also made the acquaintance of karma_soupra there; he is most interesting, and i hope i get the chance to know him a bit better. I'm home now, and have been for a bit.

I'm fading VERY fast, and so hope this post is coherent. And somehow, despite my social interactions this weekend, i'm feeling empty, and totally emotionally drained. Here's hoping a good night's sleep rectifies that some.

This post is inspired by a reply to a comment i made in this thought-provoking post in fallenpegasus' LJ, in which he said:

But people are not socially "equal" and cannot be, because people are *different*.

He's absolutely right, and i do not in the least disagree with his statement. But does that mean that we should not acknowledge those who are too different from us; that we oughtn't treat those lower than ourselves socio-ecomically as they are people; that we should refuse to try to dilute the concentration of below-poverty-line people in the ghettos we as a society have, in most places, forced the poor to live, or that we should not at least try improve the conditions therein?
( An auto-biographical vignette, which gives some pertinent personal background - in short, my view of middle-class is skewed. )

In summary, will there ever be full social equality? Very probably not. Can there be less social inequality? Most probably, if not in the near-term. fallenpegasus is absolutely correct that people are *diferent*. We don't all want, desire, or even need, the same things. But hould we each have a truly equal opportunity to have the same? Yes, we should.

I put them into Scrapbook, and linked them here for you. Oh, forgot, you don't all have context. CRK and i were a couple from the Summer of 1993 to, effectively, Winter 1996. We're still on good terms, and chat. I last wrote about him here. He's doing much better now.

( Me at 22, before the facial hair, before my hair began going white )

( Jasper at age 2, when CRK, me, and the cat lived in Boston )

( Me, Mom, Holly (my sister), and Jaden (her elder son), Spring 2004 )

It was August of 1980. I turned to my parents and said, "I want to learn to play the piano." They looked at each other, at me, and each other again. My mother asked whether i was sure. I was. "We'll talk about this later," they told me. What they didn't ask me was why. I was very dissappointed that i couldn't see the keys as i was playing. I wanted to learn in the first place so i could make the same neat visual patterns on the instrument that the music teacher made.

( Cut for length 1 )When school started again in July of 1981, we were offered the chance to learn a stringed instrument. I went home and told them i wanted to learn violin. They looked at each other, ( ...Cut for teaser, and for length 2 ) I even got to have fun playing it out of tune sometimes.

So, 27 years after i started playing musical instruments, and 20 years after my last public performance on a violin, i present the first-ever photos of me actually playing one. Both were taken by Penny Martin, who was also in The Two Gentlemen of Verona. She's a fascinating person, and a violist i'm trying to convince to participate in a quartet. Anyway, tada!


( Cut for safe-for-work pix )

I have really good form! muzikmaker21 had commented on it, but i had no meaningful idea. The photos provide a view of me playing that a mirror does not. I made the top photo into an icon, as debuted on this post. And, yes, my eyes are closed in it. Closing my eyes allows me to a) really listen to what i'm playing and b) be really aware of where my left hand is physically on the instrument, and what my right hand is doing with the bow.

The intersection of the Terri Schiavo brouhaha and my Aunt Marty's passing brought up some issues for me, as various of my comments at the time may have indicated. The intersection of those two events brought me to write an essay. Finally, after eighteen and a half years, I can look back at that period of my life and honestly say that I've dealt with it. :) That's good news. The contents of the essay are, how did Fred put it, powerful. That was what he called it.

I've provided the full essay below. It details my life from the first appearance of my father's symptoms, up to his death. I feel a need to share it, though you ought not feel obliged to read it. It's much more difficult content than my earlier-posted essay about fishing with my maternal grandfather, at least from my point of view.

And to my more anal friends who may read this, totally feel free to pick apart grammar and punctuation; content is what it is, unless you find it unclear somehow, in which case i'd like to know. Though I wonder that a couple of the paragraphs might be a bit long; I've only done minor editing to date.

---

( The full three-page single-spaced story best as I recall it. )