HELP! How do i end this
Oct. 24th, 2006 11:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dcseainI started this, but have no clue how to conclude it. HELP! I don't care if you know what Samhain is, i just need input. THANKS!
EDIT: I think i'm going to keep working on this one beyond the Samhain Service, and polish into what i know it can be. So, input on it as a zero-draft poem are most welcome.
EDIT the Second: Some suggestons from![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mergyeugnau, delivered via IM, have been incorporated, hence the strikthroughs.
Gaia Circle welcomes you to Samhain 2006.
As Summer ends, days shorten,
as the Darkness that is Night,
little by little,
comes to rule our World.
As Summer ends, we see
the trees change:
some are green,
some are yellow,
somebrilliantare orange,
a few a fiery red,
others are already bare.
As Summer ends,
the bare trees
set their buds in
preparation for Spring,
when some trees again
will be bare
and some trees again
will be green, while others
will burst forth in colour
ephemeral, for our eyes to enjoy.
As Summer ends, the days are
still pleasantly warm,
but the nights have an
uncomfortable, foreboding
chill about them.
As Summer ends, those empty
trees let us see that Orion now
rises in the East
and Scorpius now
sets in the West,
forever chasing one another
through the dark heavens,
struggling in the epic battle of
Life and Death.
As Summer ends, we find
ourselves in this wondrous,
sacred, and holy time,
between the warm and
the cold, between
the light and the
impending dark
As Summer ends, we embrace
the Dark, and realize that the
dearly departed, the wee folk,
and others walk among us for
a few days as we all exist together,
here,
between the worlds.
EDIT: I think i'm going to keep working on this one beyond the Samhain Service, and polish into what i know it can be. So, input on it as a zero-draft poem are most welcome.
EDIT the Second: Some suggestons from
mergyeugnau, delivered via IM, have been incorporated, hence the strikthroughs.Gaia Circle welcomes you to Samhain 2006.
As Summer ends, days shorten,
little by little,
comes to rule our World.
As Summer ends, we see
the trees change:
some are green,
some are yellow,
some
a few a fiery red,
others are already bare.
As Summer ends,
the bare trees
set their buds in
preparation for Spring,
when some trees again
will be bare
and some trees again
will be green, while others
will burst forth in colour
ephemeral, for our eyes to enjoy.
As Summer ends, the days are
still pleasantly warm,
but the nights have an
uncomfortable, foreboding
chill about them.
As Summer ends, those empty
trees let us see that Orion now
rises in the East
and Scorpius now
sets in the West,
forever chasing one another
through the dark heavens,
struggling in the epic battle of
Life and Death.
As Summer ends, we find
ourselves in this wondrous,
sacred, and holy time,
between the warm and
the cold, between
the light and the
impending dark
As Summer ends, we embrace
the Dark, and realize that the
dearly departed, the wee folk,
and others walk among us for
a few days as we all exist together,
here,
between the worlds.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-10-25 12:13 pm (UTC)I'm not sure how it could/should be different. I suspect you're talking about the change in the appearance of the landscape more than individual trees (which would go with the panoramic effect of the constellations moving as the year goes on).
I was hoping for something about the insects--one sign of fall is that the sound of the crickets slows then stops.
As I reread it, I'm wondering if "darkness comes to rule our world" is a little too permanent sounding, considering that most of the rest of the poem is about cycles. "Darkness comes to our world" maybe?