Flow & Semantics Editing HELP Please
Oct. 24th, 2005 04:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
dcseainI'm polishing my opening words for this year's Samhain service, the theme of which is
Each of you was a huge help in finding the right words. Now i need help putting them in the right order.
1. We know someone has died when they stop breathing; the chest falls but does not rise again. The last breath carries the soul out of the body, blessed by the salty water of tears shed by those in witness, and by those who later mourn.
2. Beyond the veil, the water, and salt, and sorrow, of those tears help fill a sunless sea - an island floating in its centre; a liminal place neither in the here, nor in the beyond. An island of apple trees perpetually in bloom and perpetually bearing fruit so that no one ever hungers, nor wants for beauty.
3. According to the Britannic tradition, souls go to that island when they pass. Call it Apple Island, The Land Beyond the Veil, The Misty Isle, Avalon, Annwyn, or what you will. Know that it is there for you to breathe its fruity goodness amid the isolation of the great Sunless Sea.
4. Last year at this Samhain ceremony I told you of the origins of pumpkin carving, why we give out food at this time of year, and the thinning of the veil between the worlds, which allows the dearly departed ancestors, the wee folk, and the yet to be born to roam among us at this holy and sacred time of year.
5. Holy because this is a time for looking back; for remembering; for acknowledging those who have passed while being thankful for the breath we draw, and the memories we carry — a time to embrace life joyously while yet we mourn those we have lost.
6. Sacred because Samhain is liminal – a space between the physical and the ethereal; a time between death and birth; a place between the here and the beyond, as the beach between the land and the sea.
7. Breathe deeply and join us in honouring those who have died before us.
As i see it, paragraphs, 1, 2,3, & 7 logically go together, as do paragraphs 4,5, &6. I need transition between them. I'm thinking i'd like to make it flow 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 7 if possible. HELP!
Sailing the Sunless Sea, with a leitmotif of breath/breathing.
Each of you was a huge help in finding the right words. Now i need help putting them in the right order.
1. We know someone has died when they stop breathing; the chest falls but does not rise again. The last breath carries the soul out of the body, blessed by the salty water of tears shed by those in witness, and by those who later mourn.
2. Beyond the veil, the water, and salt, and sorrow, of those tears help fill a sunless sea - an island floating in its centre; a liminal place neither in the here, nor in the beyond. An island of apple trees perpetually in bloom and perpetually bearing fruit so that no one ever hungers, nor wants for beauty.
3. According to the Britannic tradition, souls go to that island when they pass. Call it Apple Island, The Land Beyond the Veil, The Misty Isle, Avalon, Annwyn, or what you will. Know that it is there for you to breathe its fruity goodness amid the isolation of the great Sunless Sea.
4. Last year at this Samhain ceremony I told you of the origins of pumpkin carving, why we give out food at this time of year, and the thinning of the veil between the worlds, which allows the dearly departed ancestors, the wee folk, and the yet to be born to roam among us at this holy and sacred time of year.
5. Holy because this is a time for looking back; for remembering; for acknowledging those who have passed while being thankful for the breath we draw, and the memories we carry — a time to embrace life joyously while yet we mourn those we have lost.
6. Sacred because Samhain is liminal – a space between the physical and the ethereal; a time between death and birth; a place between the here and the beyond, as the beach between the land and the sea.
7. Breathe deeply and join us in honouring those who have died before us.
As i see it, paragraphs, 1, 2,3, & 7 logically go together, as do paragraphs 4,5, &6. I need transition between them. I'm thinking i'd like to make it flow 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3, 7 if possible. HELP!
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Date: 2005-10-25 08:41 am (UTC)