dcseain | (no subject)

aliza250 wrote Schiavo-inspired living will thoughts, which has prompted me to share this vignette i wrote for the 2004 Samhain service at my UU church.

One day, when I was 8, I was sitting in a boat on Chautauqua Lake, NY, fishing with my grandfather. He told me again how much he and my grandmother liked the lake and their weekends and vacations there. He continued, explaining that someday, they would die, as would everyone, and that they were going to be cremated instead of buried when they died. I asked what cremation was. He explained that in our culture, most people were buried when they died, but that some bodies were burned instead, and that cremation meant that their bodies would be burned, and their bones ground. I asked why. He, replied, “Because we feel it is not an appropriate use of land to bury a dead body which is not needed any longer.”

He continued to explain that once both of them were dead, they wanted to have their ashes mixed together and dumped into the lake in the cove in the Northeast part of the lake that Grandma loved so. “Why in the lake?” I asked. He explained that it was so they could be among, and eaten by, the fishes that have fed us so well all these years, and so they could be at one with the lake that has brought such beauty and joy into our lives, and that they could then slowly wend their way to the sea, and forevermore swim with the fishes.

He continued to explain that when that time came, he expected that I would be the one who would have to pour their ashes into the lake because my mother hates being out on the water, though she’d do it once more for them. And because my Uncle Lee’s religious beliefs teach him that the body must be buried that it may be resurrected, but that as Lee’s God is all powerful, what use is the body after death; if it’s needed God could easily provide a new one if and when needed. Finally, he said that my Uncle Lou would likely just be vaguely disgusted at the concept, though he could navigate us to the cove.

I asked to be shown the cove, so we pulled in our lines and our anchor and headed to it, navigating around the ferry. It took me many years to understand that experience, and the wisdom of his words. I look forward to having that honor when the time comes.

For those of you who are not aware, most of my mother's people are undertakers. This means our attitude toward death is, how to put it, not always very mainstream. If you've ever watched Six Feet Under, they get it just right that part they do.

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Neat. It's really nice that you got to go fishing with your grandfather and to have had that kind of conversation.

I have spent many an hour sitting on Chautauqua Lake with him over the years. I think it's been 12 or 13 years since i was last out on the lake with him. In addition to that conversation with him, i followed up with my grandmother when we got back to their house to make sure she was in agreement. Her explanation was similar to his, which was comforting at the time, and made it all less confusing for me.

He's still with us now, though getting to the point that this story is all the more poignant than its been yet. May i ask why you find it neat that i've had such a conversation with him?

I ask because when i was 6, my parents bought grave plots, with options on the plots on either side in case my sister or i should die. We took a trip out to see the places they'd bought shortly thereafter. Such chats therefore to me seem rather common.