ext_3072 ([identity profile] nancylebov.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] dcseain 2005-10-26 05:25 pm (UTC)

Looks good. I liked the idea of also having the last line at the beginning, but I don't think it's necessary.

I'd nuke the second "liminal"--I think it's redundant with the rest of the sentence.

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