The first two drafts of this poem are linked here, in this post
. I want to incorporate some aspects of chaosdancer
's comments on Draft 0, though i may save her input as the core for the Yule poem. Oh, i've decided to do a cycle of 8 for the major Wiccan Shabbats, plus probably 2, one for New Moon, and one for Full Moon, and probably Harvest Moon, and Blood Moon, and i'm forgetting a moon to round out the cycle to 13. Thirteens have been very good to me in this life, it's my favourite number. All the jobs that have gone best for me i either interviewed, or started work, on the 13th.
Anyway, back to the poem. I've lopped off the ending from Draft 1, unless others of you think it should stay, though who knows, it may reappear. The n-dashes will become m-dashes, and i'm debating counting a fulls stop mid-line as a syllable. I'll try reading it aloud again before committing to that. I've tightened it up rhythmically a lot this draft.
I think i'll end up keeping the random-length stanzas, as these will be mini-epic in format, i think; ooooh, maybe a single epic in 13 parts... . I standardized the first line of the stanzas this draft, too; thank you nancylebov
for that suggestion. As Summer Ends
is the working title, though it may end up just being Samhain
, or if choosing the epic format, The Wheel of the Year
Part of me might rather do a cycle to the Native American cycle, as that's my tradition, though i think it need be a separate project. Anyhow, ( off to draft 2 the poem )
And feedback, as always, is most